I am reasonably certain that people get married because some tasks in life require two people.

No, I am not talking about copy-pasting your genetic code into tiny, loud, and sticky versions of yourself. Activities like building that bed frame you ordered online are much simpler when you have a woman to translate the instructions and a man to screw it all together.

While engaged in this activity of toxic masculinity (where a man generously comes to the aid of his female friend and donates his time and labour) the pair of us realised something.

Not all the bits were included.

Those of you who have been down the foolish path of home construction are sitting there nodding your heads. Humans have come a long way in the last few million years, but our claws haven’t. Short of re-enacting the opening to 2001 A Space Odyssey, there was no way that I was going to tear my way into the four boxes that allegedly make a bed.

The boy texted me before arriving with the following message:

‘Do you need Stanley’s help as well? I can bring him if you like. He loves opening boxes.’

To which I replied, ‘…who is Stanley – is he a knife?’

As it turned out, Stanley was a well dressed bright yellow and black blade that arrived and proceeded to shred the boxes with ease, revealing a labyrinth of screws and bits of fabric-covered wood.

He wasn’t the only bloke required to assist in the construction of my bed. A pair of Allens were found strapped inside one of the boxes and were put to work immediately. Despite their disappointingly simple appearance, they performed a range of tasks without complaint.

It was only when we approached the last bag of sharp screws and bed slats that we realised that we’d need something more substantial than a bent stick. The toolbox was opened and Phillip was awoken. Mr dependable. He is the bloke you don’t think about very often, but when you need him he is always there to put everything back together or take stubborn problems apart.

Given what you have just read, Stanley, Phillip and Allen are obviously an abomination to modern civilisation. How dare essential tools identify as male in what can only be seen as a conspiracy of oppression against women in the home. Feminists tell women that they cannot exist in industries full of men, but what about when the basic tools of that profession are named after men? Can women even hold these implements of masculinity without feeling inferior to the hundreds of years of male success that went into their construction?

This argument is no more absurd than the rubbish our state-run education system comes out with. According to the mainstream feminist narrative, unless workforces are split 50-50 between the genders, women cannot operate within them as individuals. Activists tell our children that unless they have heroes that share their gender, rather than their interest, they are physically prevented from achieving things within their lives.

Let us consider these looming historical figures that the #woke insist hold women back and drive men forward.

By definition, these people were the first in their fields to discover and create. If the activist narrative holds true, how did they make advances without a gender mirror sitting in front of them, telling them that it was possible? Where did this narrative come from that gender is the defining feature of an individual’s desire to succeed? Do feminists really believe that human curiosity is first filtered through the prism of gender?

The bias does not work the other way. Can men enter a female dominated industry? That question was never asked because men are assumed capable of navigating problems without the help of the state.

What this dogma has done is treat us to a re-writing of history in which activists comb through the past to undermine the achievements of men and elevate any female they can find to a position above the merit of their achievement. Revisionism is a favourite tool of empty political movements looking for power, but it serves no purpose to the advancement of human endeavour.

It is only the pursuit of ideas that matters.

Instead of teaching our children to obsess about their identity, society should be teaching them to learn from the advancements of their predecessors and seek to expand the pool of knowledge that we share as a species.

Women are not superficial, mentally fragile creatures struggling to survive in a world full of male creations. And yes, we can use slice, screw, and tighten with the best of them.